The first “letter” captures some of the disillusionment I’ve been feeling both personally as well as corporately. Through the imagery of the worship gathering and the Lord’s Supper, this song asks a series of deeper questions of introspection.

It begins with our entry into the sanctuary.
• Why have I come here? Am I seeking some kind of “experience” or motivational teaching to feed a spiritual fix or have I truly come for a covenantal encounter with God and His people out of a desire to be transformed into the likeness of Jesus? (As a person on staff at a church, I deal with an additional layer of whether I’m only there because it’s my “job.”)
• Have I truly been captured by the depth and beauty and majesty of what God is offering in this encounter with him: to know him in all his fullness – his grace and glory, his mercy and forgiveness, his assurance and unconditional love – and be known by him and called his own?
• And am I being formed with grace in such a way that my life models the fruit of the spirit – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control – as a result of this divine encounter or is it just lip service, ritual motion? Or am I any different at all?

I’m concerned by what the possible answers to these questions truly are. We gather to worship God together but there are times when I wonder if it is taking root and revealing itself in our lives as we emerge from our places of worship and interact with the community and world where God has placed us.

When my oldest daughter Erin heard this song, she asked my wife Wendy, “Is Dad OK?”

I mean, transparently, no. Not really. So as I wrestle, I grieve a little bit…but with a sense of longing that God has something more in mind.